I’ve participated in conversations on EnWorld.org and elsewhere about what television shows we’re currently watching. Before I discuss this season’s best programs, here’s an overview of the schedule.
Note that in some cases, shows that are in the same time slot may not be on during the same months because of cable station counterprogramming. Still, my DVR keeps busy!
And Josh C.’s Spelljammer: “the Show Must Go On” (space fantasy miniseries, using Skype/Google+, an online dice roller, and FATE 3e Legends of Anglerre)
–Canceled/dropped: Heroes, The Cape, Lost Girl (metahuman melodramas, **), Terra Nova (time travel, **)
Tuesday
-8:00 p.m., Cartoon: The Looney Tunes Show (animated comedy) ***
-9:00 p.m., USA: White Collar (sleuth/caper) ***
-10:00 p.m., History: Top Shot (marksmanship) **
–Canceled/dropped: No Ordinary Family (metahuman melodrama, **), V (alien conspiracy reboot, **), Memphis Beat (sleuth, ***), Homeland (thriller, ***), Kung-Fu Panda: the Series (animated martial arts comedy, ***)
Wednesday
-7:30 to 8:30 p.m. (not including travel): historical weapons classes at Guard Up!
–Canceled/dropped: Chuck (espionage comedy ***), Batman and the Brave and the Bold (***), Fantastic Four,Wolverine and the X-Men, and Iron Man: Armored Adventures (animated superheroes, *), Stargate Universe (space opera, **), Merlin/Camelot (Arthurian, **), Smallville (metahuman melodrama; ***), Pillars of the Earth (historical miniseries; ***), Sym-Bionic Titan (animated kaiju; ***), Torchwood (speculative conspiracy **), A Gifted Man (supernatural drama),Magic City(Miami noir **)
Saturday
-9:30 a.m., Cartoon: Thundercats (animated) ****
-10:00 a.m., Cartoon: Green Lantern (animated superhero) **
-10:30 a.m., Cartoon: Young Justice(animated superheroes) ***
-10:30 a.m., CW: Phantom Gourmet/NECN: TV Diner (local food) ***
-9:00 p.m., BBC America: Doctor Who (time travel) ****
-10:00 p.m., BBC America: The Graham Norton Show (talk) **
-11:00 p.m., VH1 Classic: That Metal Show (talk) ***
–Canceled/dropped: Legend of the Seeker (syndicated fantasy, **), Robin Hood (historical action, **), The Super Hero Squad Show(Marvel heroes, **), Being Human (BBC/NBC supernatural melodrama ***)
–Coming soon: Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles, How to Train Your Dragon: the Series
>>At the “Grand Show,” a port shaped like a top hat floating in the Hysgeu sphere, the performers of “Le battant elephant” and the “Dragon Fly” workers join the crew of the huge Drowned Swan in preparing to depart for Prince Andru’s birthday celebration at the Rock of Bral. However, our heroes soon discover that not all is as it seems….
-“Oner Walek” [Gene D.]-male Wolfen sky pirate, romantic swashbuckler, prestidigitator and deck hand hailing from the “Vanished Lands” now aboard the Drowned Swan
-“Scylla” [Sara F.]-young female Amethyst Dragon fortuneteller, raised by Gypsies and devoted to protecting the weak
-“Samael Muckblood” [Geoffrey C.]-male Hill Dwarf hunter, sniper, and “bad cop” serving in ship’s security; has a steam-powered crossbow “Guinevere”
-“Zanzibar” [Robin]-female Lizard Wizard, pyromaniac mistress of time and space (Spelljammer)
-“The Amazing Lorenzo Le May” [Byron V.O./absent]-male human Thief-Acrobat, juggler, and sometime cat burglar in “Le battant éléphant” circus troupe
>>The crew and passengers of Drowned Swan spend one more night at the Grand Show before the massive vessel leaves port. After reporting to their superiors on crew complaints about a lack of space and poor treatment compared with the traveling carnival, Oner Walek and “the Amazing” Lorenzo Le May split up to avoid further notice.
Scylla buys tea and meditates. The dragon‘s divination states that “On the seventh hour of the seventh day, a princess shall fall.” Unfortunately, she doesn’t know to whom the prophecy refers.
Samael Muckblood finishes securing his crossbow “Guinevere” and brings several kegs of liquor to hide beneath his bunk. However, the Dwarf runs into Lidia Kameneve, the Halfling first mate, who merely warns him not to get caught drunk on duty.
Zanzibar asks head mage Nonius Vatinius to borrow a book on dimensional magic. The Elf Summoner allows the Lizard Wizard to peruse the extensive library crammed into his cabin.
While Lorenzo resumes his cover by juggling, Oner tries to persuade Sam to help him explore the Drowned Swan‘s sealed-off lower decks. The rustic hunter isn’t impressed by the Wolfen pirate’s smooth words, but he eventually agrees to assist.
As the ship casts off, Zanzibar tries to go to the top deck, but tall Capt. Andraimon Ianthe sends her below to the actors’ lounge. There, she again exchanges harsh words with diva Vermella Rogili. Sam disassembles, cleans, and reassembles Guinevere, while Oner watches the women with amusement.
Sometime later, Zanzibar climbs to the Spelljamming helm to relieve Nonius. She controls the mystical propulsion as the Drowned Swan approaches a crystal sphere with a massive black wall. The ship is then steered into the rainbow ocean of flammable phlogiston, also known as “the Flow.”
Insectoid Mario relieves Zanzibar in turn, and she goes to her quarters and is exasperated to find a note from Oner asking to meet. Zanzibar goes to the mess hall, where she finds the Wolfen about the decks trying again to engage laconic hunter Sam in conversation.
Oner asks Zanzibar to join him in spelunking through the Drowned Swan‘s lower levels, since Vangar and One-Eyed Willie seemed uninterested in Rafael Galves’ grievances and were hiding deck plans. The Spelljammer is reluctant to defy the captain and Nonius, but Oner appeals to her sense of worth.
The covert team is complete when Scylla squeezes into the mess hall and joins, “as I foretold.” Oner stealthily leads the way to a hatch that has been boarded up. The onetime sky pirate warns his new companions to avoid the “Ship Mother,” a protective entity he stumbled upon in the “Garden of Delights.” Apparently, Zanzibar already knows about her.
Doughty Sam leads the way with his steam-powered crossbow, followed by Oner, whose keen nose and ears don’t complete negate his need for a jar of fireflies for light. Sardonic Zanzibar and stout Scylla bring up the rear.
Too late, the adventurers see that they have stepped across some magical wards. Sam cocks his weapon, and Oner hears moaning and shuffling. Scylla feels something rustle near her, but rather than decipher the runes, Zanzibar directs the party’s attention back topside, where an alarm is being raised.
The investigators beat a hasty retreat. Scylla and Oner reseal the hatch. Zanzibar and Sam go to the top deck, where they see the crew arming as a black ship circles the Drowned Swan. Zanzibar invokes her dimensional control to warp the enemy vessel, while Sam shoots quarrels at its main mast.
Oner dashes up and finds himself facing pale sailors with burning red eyes. He cuts down three of them with his cutlass as spells and other ammunition fly between the ships.
Scylla uses her draconic breath to put some of her foes to sleep before rending them limb from limb. Crewman Smitty identifies the Undead boarders as “souls of the damned” or zombies under the command of Capt. Blackheart, an escapee from Hell itself!
Sam shoots at the enemy commander who is taunting him from the Dark Heart of the Woods, per Oner’s recommendation. Zanzibar crushes the mast that Sam had weakened, and Scylla slaps the scurvy seamen with her tail.
Screams from a ledge below indicate that more boarders are attacking the actors’ quarters. Oner grabs a line from the rigging and swings down to the observation deck. As the Wolfen and other crew push the souls of the damned back, the Drowned Swan and Dark Heart disengage.
As they assess the damage and casualties, Zanzibar and a few crewmen report injuries….
-“Syzygy” [Brian W.]-Trinoid (trilateral amphibious alien) xenologist with an organic laboratory and a pet cat named “Mr. Sniffles”
-“Tela” [Sara F.]-female Tharian (winged gargoyle-like alien) escapee with boyfriend Kedar from the Encegulans, engineer
-“Aughest-vor…” [Jason E.R.]-male human from the Lemuria orbital city, onetime dilettante, solar-sail racer, pilot
-“Lt. Kevin Reese” [Bruce K.]-male Terran cyborg human, burned-out officer and explorer in the Interplanetary Patrol
-“Scoop Chang” [Rich C.G.]-male Jovian “near-human,” interstellar reporter kidnapped by the Olvar; psi interested in First Contacts
-“Chris McKee/Agent Prometheus” [Josh C./absent]-male Terran cyborg human sniper working for eugenicists at Black Box Security Co.
-“Tariq Asrad Saladin” [Beruk A./absent]-male Terran “near-human,” seeker of enlightenment and investigator met aboard the Ma’ari ship “Cyan Horizon”
-“Gombo Shisel” [Rich L./absent]-male Mongolian/Martian human, former horse rancher and wilderness survival expert; left at Camp Alpha
-“Dr. Bucket” [Non-Player Character]-United Earth Authority astromech robot assigned to the Blackbird
>>”26 to 30 November 2194 A.D./C.E. or 0 Terran Galactic Era:” After a long journey, the crew of the Blackbird encountered Encegulanslavers and a hostile ZurmizKrott probe. The explorers also found a missing Kharvamid Alliance agent and participated in a dangerous solar-sailregatta.
Syzygy contacts Marvog, a Cetaran (plesiosaur-like) miner and aide to Plorb [Beruk/N.P.C.]. Marvog says that the Aquarian (amphibious humanoid) emissary canceled a meeting in Sector 8, also known as “the Lagoon,” after his and deceased racer T’chlk T’cha’s [Rich/N.P.C.] hotel suite was destroyed by an explosion.
Marvog says that Plorb may instead have gone to Meshi Chabo, a Laransan (long-lived telepathic humanoid) pilgrim and fellow refugee from the Zarkonian Armada. Lt. Kevin Reese tracks her down to Zone 5, or “the Dueling Suns.”
Meanwhile, engineer Tela and her boyfriend Kedar go around. The winged, tailed Tharians draw some attention because they’re unusual, but they manage to avoid the slug-like Encegulans. Civilians Aughest-vor… and Scoop Chang practice their marksmanship in the Blackbird‘s holographic computer room, much to the exasperation of sniper Chris McKee.
Tariq Asrad Saladin chats with new passenger Hannah Nydari [Sara/N.P.C.], an Olvar (mammal-like, arboreal alien) agent for the Kharvamid Alliance. The crew eventually regroups to go to the Dueling Suns.
Aughest-vor pilots the Olvar scout vessel from Sector 11, “the Swift Course.” Syzygy notes that Sector 5 is home to the Monastery of Infinite Forms and the Cyclist Cathedral but is ruled by an oligarchy composed of Ru’ulok (heavy-gravity reptiles), Ma’ari (diminutive pale wanderers), and Encegulans.
Kevin asks Tariq and Chris to stay aboard the Blackbird to keep the ship — and Mr. Sniffles, Dr. Bucket, Kedar, and Hannah — safe. The Interplanetary Patrol officer has difficulty getting local authorities to recognize his badge, and he warns the investigator and sniper to be ready for a hasty retreat (using the Yoyodyne Oscillation Overthruster) if needed.
With some help, Scoop uses his robot EVE to hack into Ru’ulok surveillance. The journalist finds a concentration of Laransans and Aquarians at the Cyclist Cathedral. He, Syzygy, Tela, Aughest, and Lt. Reese find their way to the soaring crystal spires of the alien religious conclave.
Once there, they hear Klushar Grovyk preaching that Cyclist adherents are entitled access to the “gift of their forefathers,” no doubt a reference to a Precursorjump gate recently discovered in a nearby star system. Selfrana Lenk, a Ma’ari sage, explains that Cyclists want to hasten the eternal cycle of death and rebirth.
Xenologist Syzygy says Grovyk is a Dwivarn, a member of a lizard-like species that denies it was once an “Uplift” client of the Ru’ulok. Curious Tela uses her tail to flirt with some of the congregation, while Aughest-vor (“friend to all”) tries to get a sense of the crowd’s mood.
Kevin, who has smuggled weapons into the orbitalhabitat, watches Ru’ulok guards. He manages to befriend one named Rogik by mentioning Kerenar’s victory in the recent regatta. Scoop senses telepathic probes and psionically shields the away team.
The Terrans spot Plorb and walk toward him. However, so do some of the Ru’ulok, raising fears of a would-be assassin. Meshi Chabo momentarily blocks their way until Lt. Reese explains that he’s there to help secure the ambassador.
Scoop uses his Eyebot to interfere with the Ru’ulok cameras and communications to cover their retreat. Kevin offers to bring Meshi and Plorb back to the Sol system, where they can petition the United Earth Authority for aid. They reluctantly accept.
Syzygy meets with fellow Trinoid scientist Selenium [Josh/N.P.C.] to share data. While they are biologically linked, Syzygy learns that Oasis Station security forces have had difficulty containingnanites from the defeated Zurmiz Krott. Syzygy is also alarmed to realize that Selenium has been cast out of the research institutes for his advocacy of aggressive “Uplift,” and he quickly excuses himself.
Tela assigns quarters to the newcomers, who must share cabins with the Blackbird‘s regular crew. Plorb doesn’t mind the damp chamber of fellow amphibian Syzygy and his living lab. Tela and Kedar stay in engineering, and Dr. Bucket remains with the robotic spiders in a supply closet.
Chris and Tariq warily share quarters, and Aughest-vor takes care of Syzygy’s cat Mr. Sniffles. Kevin happily hosts the attractive Meshi. Scoop talks with guest Hannah about geology. Aughest sets a course for the jump gate, whose location Lt. Reese had obtained from Gustrall (orange-furred, flightless raptor) mercenary Nylca of clan Firehoof [Brian/N.P.C.].
The biomechanical ship emerges from faster-than-light Transit at the edge of Penumbra, a barely inhabitable star system. Three capital ships patrol local space amid disputing claims. Syzygy and Hannah easily identify the sweeping curves of an Olvar starship.
Tariq and Chris recognize the boxy design of a Ru’ulok cruiser. Syzygy and Scoop check the Morifaiwet/Blackbird‘s database to identify the third battleship, which resembles a conch, as that of the neutral Sulishi (furry snails).
Kevin transmits a code he got from Nylca and claims that he’s with “Team Icarus” to study the Precursor artifact. Wadishi San, the Sulishi in charge of the archaeologists studying the jump gate, accepts their request to come to his base on a rockball planet’s surface.
The landing party disembarks on a windswept landing pad and is escorted into the science station by Vungo, a Daragi (silicon-based giant) guard. Syzygy and Tela are fascinated by the tree-like alien, who takes them to a mess hall.
Vungo introduces the team to fellow sentry Slarp, an Encegulan. Tela tries to hide behind her companions, but she is impressed by the equipment that Nolath (arachnid) engineer Lek’to is using to study the device.
P’nz’kr (“Penzikor”) shows Syzygy unidentified carved objects. With the insectoid Nethian‘s help, the Trinoid finds that they may have been shaped by biological processes but are not organic themselves.
Troshar Jund, a Cestolar (literal-minded, badger-like) treasure hunter, talks with Aughest-vor and Chris, who is interested in ancient alien history and religions. Scoop tries to scan telepathically, but his mysterious fedora doesn’t help him for once. They relay their findings to Tariq, who knows about early contacts between humans and extraterrestrials.
In the course of their conversations, Kevin deduces that Vungo and Slarp are sympathetic to the Ru’ulok trade guilds. Fortunately, Aughest finds that P’nz’kr is more likely to side with the Kharvamid Alliance. Troshar, pilot of the “Digger,” tells Scoop that he is happy to be involved in the find of a lifetime. Lek’to tells Tela that she wants to get the gate operational as soon as possible.
The Terrans, Trinoid, and Tharian ask to see the jump gate itself. Vungo and Troshar lead them out to a dusty dig, where they see an archway covered in circular carvings. P’nz’kr demonstrates how to activate the relic by touching two points. A stable wormhole opens above them in geosynchronous orbit.
Lt. Reese understands the strategic importance of such a device, which could reduce travel times from months to days (of Terran time). Aughest-vor observes that the gate could enable a fleet of warships to project force across many parsecs.
However, the scientists warn that they haven’t yet determined how to set the destination coordinates. Syzygy recalls maps once created by humans in the South Pacific, which used curved branches to show currents, islands, and stars. “Team Icarus” returns to the Blackbird to plan its next moves and examine star charts.
Syzygy creates a blobby gadget to help P’nz’kr activate the jump gate and erase Earth’s address. Aughest-vor plots likely courses, as Dr. Bucket tries to correlate stars glimpsed through the wormhole with known constellations. Tela reroutes computational power to aid astrogation droid Dr. Bucket (and an isoquantum fracture compensator).
Kevin scans all of the artifacts and carvings. Scoop realizes that the Precursors used four points for their calculations: Penumbra, the gate itself, potential destinations, and some unknown factor. Chris and Tariq remind the crew that they must hurry before Wadishi San, Slarp, or the warships decide to restrict their access.
Dr. Bucket and the crew of the Blackbird have a breakthrough — the fourth point is the black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy, a reference that wouldn’t change with the passage of time. Aughest finds the coordinates for the Sol system, and Syzygy relays them to P’nz’kr and his device by the ancient arch.
Aughest-vor…. takes the cloaked vessel into the warp tunnel, where it encounters gravitic and space-time instabilities. Lt. Reese checks on passengers Hannah, Plorb, and Meshi, while Kedar helps monitor the Transit fields. Scoop and Tariq meditate, and Chris stays in the gunner’s turret.
Syzygy and Tela see strange extradimensional entity extruding into the ship. The Pangavi asks why they are passing through its domain. The Trinoid and Tharian say they are going to warn humanity about the Zarkonian threat. The “Ward of Despair” says that he is not a Precursor and permits the ship to continue without interference.
The Blackbird emerges into normal space betweenEpsilonEridani and Wolf359, only three parsecs from Sol! Scoop notes that this is only three days [of “game time”] away at cruising speed, a month less than it would normally take to get from Oasis Station. Aughest-vor… sets a course for home….
Josh and Beruk, we missed you at the latest “Vortex” game! Note that Team 1’s next session will be on Monday, 23 April 2012, at Brian’s place in Newton, Mass. Please remember to send him your food orders in advance.
-“Syzygy” [Brian W.]-Trinoid (trilateral amphibious alien) xenologist with an organic laboratory and a pet cat named “Mr. Sniffles”
-“Tela” [Sara F.]-female Tharian (winged gargoyle-like alien) escapee with boyfriend Kedar from the Encegulans, engineer
-“Chris McKee/Agent Prometheus” [Josh C.]-male Terran cyborg human sniper working for eugenicists at Black Box Security Co.
-“Aughest-vor…” [Jason E.R.]-male human from the Lemuria orbital city, onetime dilettante, solar-sail racer, pilot
-“Lt. Kevin Reese” [Bruce K.]-male Terran cyborg human, burned-out officer and explorer in the Interplanetary Patrol
-“Scoop Chang” [Rich C.G.]-male Jovian “near-human,” interstellar reporter kidnapped by the Olvar; psi interested in First Contacts
-“Tariq Asrad Saladin” [Beruk A./absent]-male Terran “near-human,” seeker of enlightenment and investigator met aboard the Ma’ari ship Cyan Horizon
-“Gombo Shisel” [Rich L./absent]-male Mongolian/Martian human, former horse rancher and wilderness survival expert
-“Dr. Bucket” [Non-Player Character]-United Earth Authority astromech robot assigned to the Blackbird
>>From the logs of Chris McKee/Agent Prometheus, 22 to 25 November 2194 A.D./C.E. or 0 Terran Galactic Era: About 40 light-years from Earth, the crew of the Blackbird encountered Encegulan slavers and a dangerous Zurmiz Krott probe while searching for a missing Kharvamid agent and access to a Precursor jump gate.
Back at the Regatta Hotel, our adventuring party conducted research into the Zurmiz Krott, a biomechanical monster with a bulbous body and three legs that inspired cannibalistic madness in people in Sector 6, the orbital habitat also known as “the Growing.”
Syzygy planned to meet again with fellow Trinoid scientist Selenium [Josh/N.P.C.], who, like Tela, wanted to study the xenoid’s (alien robot’s) remains. Tela and her Tharian boyfriend Kedar also hoped to get more advanced equipment while avoiding the slug-like Encegulans.
I can’t believe that Scoop Chang asked Aughest for firearms training. Of all the humans in our crew, Interplanetary Patrolman Lt. Kevin Reese, I as a Black Box agent, and probably even troubleshooter Tariq Asrad Saladin have more experience. I hope the journalist comes to his senses before he or the playboy gets hurt. Aughest, Scoop, and Tariq also checked the news, but we were fortunately not identified.
Kevin inquired about other humans at Oasis Station and wasn’t happy when he heard that Encegulans might have captured more. He contacted Nylca of clan Firehoof [Brian/N.P.C.] and asked to meet the Gustrall (orange-furred, antlered, flightless raptor) mercenary as soon as possible.
According to Oasis Station’s archives and the Olvar Star League database on the Blackbird, the Zarkonian Imperium had attacked various civilizations in the Milky Way Galaxy’s Orion Arm thousands of years ago (in Terran time). About a century ago, the crustaceans reportedly resumed their incursions.
However, this time, the Zarkonians are moving more slowly, using more subtlety and making alliances. I’m convinced that something happened since the last time they expanded in this direction. Are they overextended? Have their goals changed? I’m still looking into it.
Syzygy searched for similar outbreaks of violence that might indicate Zurmiz Krott. Not surprisingly, diplomat Plorb [Beruk/N.P.C.] confirmed that some Aquarian (amphibious humanoid) colonies had experienced similar problems.
We verified that Hannah Nydari [Sara/N.P.C.], the Olvar (mammal-like arboreal alien) tourist whom Lt. Reese had rescued from the riot, was the Kharvamid Alliance spy we had been looking for. Only Scoop recognized her costume and plasma sword from an archaic Terran serial, and I have my doubts about the competence of her handlers.
We decided to again split up, with Aughest-vor, Syzygy, and Scoop (with camera robot EVE) publicly going to the solar-sail race. Tariq would keep watch on Kedar, Dr. Bucket, Mr. Sniffles, and Hannah on the Blackbird and coordinate our communications.
Kevin, Tela, and I planned to meet again with Nylca and other extraterrestrials to gain access to a contested Precursorjump gate….
><Translated from the Galactic Standard Linguacodes> Hello all, and welcome to the Swift Course Regatta! I’m Kgut, and this is Mtos. We’ll be your announcers for this race, and here are our racers:
-T’chlk Tcha [Rich/N.P.C.] is an Aquarian piloting the Heart of the Ocean, a vessel that resembles a blue fish, with solar sailsshaped like fins.
-Next up, we have Prada Deville [Sara/N.P.C.], the wealthy Gustrall owner/racer of the Crusher, a bright pink model with tailfins.
-By the Maker, what is that? Well, Mtos, according to the record, that’s Blurb [Brian/N.P.C.]. The slimy, multi-eyed Encegulan is flying an Olvar craft called the Eron. For those just listening to this broadcast, it’s a gray, spiky vehicle with a red star on it. Hey, Kgut, wasn’t there an Olvar pilot? Think the thing inside ate him? Well, Mtos, if that’s the case, let’s hope he likes spectators more than announcers!
-Look, it’s Lok-t’sha [Josh/N.P.C.], and he’s driving a spherical, web-covered racer! Mtos, did you know that the [spider-like] Nolath built that ship himself? Yes, I did, Kgut — he actually has a dedicated following among the gearheads in the crowd.
–Aughest-vor is the most interesting racer. He’s a member of a species that has just made First Contact with galactic societies, a “hooman” I believe it’s pronounced. He’ll be flying the Island of the Moon, a craft from his home system. It looks a bit like some sort of winged beast; it’s mostly sails, primitive gears, and rigging.
-We saved the best for last, folks! Kerenar [Bruce/N.P.C.] is the Ru’ulok [heavy-gravity reptilian] driver of the “Punisher,” a sleek, black powerhouse with white stenciling. He’s a seven-time winner of the regatta.
><The audio cuts to people cheering for a moment.>
Mtos, I heard that Kerenar will be selling virtual reality goggles with recordings of his run, thanks to his megacorp and Trade Guild sponsors. That’s right, Kgut, with exclusive views from his cockpit — get them after the race. And they’re off!
Just outside our observation lounge here in Sector 11, Aughest-vor flips his craft over and waves at Kerenar. There goes Kerenar, rolling the “Punisher” over and showing Aughest his tail pipe.
Prada fires off her glitter guns, giving her a little boost. The crowd loves that; you can hear them cheering. The Heart of the Ocean waves its fins, and Lok-t’sha extends his scull’s arms to get more sunlight. Blurb gets the Eron off to a jerky start.
They’re spiraling around Sector 12, “the Merging,” to the first obstacle. Pieces of metal extend out from the command station’s rim, blocking out the sun, so the contestants will have to coast on inertia. How old-fashioned!
Aughest-vor does well, using a so-called hypersolar burst [installed by engineer Tela] to slide to the edge of the course, but he’s joined by Kerenar, who’s also taking the outside hoping to catch some scant rays where the shade is least. What’s this? T’chlk T’cha has apparently grappled the “Punisher,” hoping to go forward. It looks like Blurb has pulled ahead.
What’s the next obstacle, Mtos? Well, Kgut, it’s an area mined with spheres that spray corrosive organic compounds. Whoa! Sorry to whoever bet on Blurb — he just crashed full-force into one of the mines. That’s right, Mtos, next time, try betting on a horror from beyond space and time that can drive. It looks like everyone else got out OK, if a little worse for wear.
And now, a brief message from our sponsors, providers of VR entertainment gear….
Welcome back. The solar skiffs are “threading the needle” through the crystalline spires of the “Shining Sisters,” Sector 1 of Oasis Station. The Island of the Moon has taken the lead, but Prada Deville isn’t far behind in the Crusher.
Lok-t’sha and Blurb are neck and neck, if either species had necks. Kerenar is still trying to shake T’chlk T’cha’s Heart of the Ocean. Our camera drones are showing the solar sailors nearing Zone 3, “the Hunting Lodge.”
What’s up next, Mtox? I believe it’s the Kutalrin, or robot sharks, Kgut. What about the lasers? No, those have been banned since an incident during the previous race. It looks like the Aquarian craft is flying right into a swarm of Kutalrin, and the crowd goes wild. Our condolences to T’chlk T’cha’s next of kin.
We’re at the final challenge, folks — inertial dampening force fields around “the Skies Below,” or Sector 9. Here comes Lok-t’sha, and ooh, right into the field. By the makers, Blurb has crashed the Eron right into the Nolath’s racer! I hope that both of them have insurance. Well, I hope that the Encegulan isn’t hungry!
While the Crusher also appears to be stuck amid monofilament tangles, the Island of the Moon and the “Punisher” are approaching … and Kerenar is our winner! <End station transmission, resume Agent Prometheus’ journal.>
Loser Aughest-vor had hoped for Boobulon or Olvar cheerleaders, but he had to accept Tela and Hannah as escorts back to our luxury suite after exchanging words with Kerenar. Kevin may think that this Ru’ulok is a “swell guy,” but my trigger finger was itchy.
Lt. Reese and I went to meet Nylca at the “Privateer’s Perch,” a dive bar in the xenoid-run “Rusted Link,” or Sector 10. We again negotiated for access to the faster-than-light jump gate, whose location wasn’t publicly known and which was being guarded because of contesting claims.
The fierce Gustrall had acquired a security pass key and said that Serenar, a scientist and Kerenar’s kinsman, and Turvel Dosk [Rich/N.P.C.], a Cestolar (literal-minded, badger-like alien) smuggler, had helped her. Nylca said she could get us close to the Precursor artifact, which we hoped to use to warn Earth of the Zarkonians.
We have other associates who may prove useful, but they’re not necessarily trustworthy. Ibor vos Talshun [Rich/N.P.C.], another Cestolar pilot, offered to help us. Kzp’trn [Jason/N.P.C.], a Nethian (insectoid) mechanic who had been searching for an “isoquantum fracture compensator,” was also at the “Privateer’s Perch.”
We were just finishing our drinks when Dr. Bucket radioed us — there had been an explosion in T’chlk T’cha’s rooms back in the Regatta Hotel. We met the rest of our crew at “the Swift Course,” and Lt. Reese got us permission to examine the area.
Initial forensics indicated that the blast was no accident, and even though the Aquarian racer had been killed by the Kutalrin, someone was sending his sponsor, Plorb, a message. The emissary’s whereabouts are unknown, so we’re going to search for him while Syzygy goes to meet Selenium. After that, we’re off to the jump gate….
Thanks, Brian, for hosting, and thanks, Josh, for your notes! I hope that everyone enjoyed our first “Vortex” session since Janice’s and my — and Josh & Sara’s — moves. The next Team 1game will be on Monday, 2 April 2012.
I recently screened Disney’s John Carter with Josh C. & Sara F. I saw the sword-and-planet movie again later with Janice, who was at a technical writing conference in Memphis this past week. She has also been busy with extra shifts as a volunteer at the Dedham animal shelter. All of us enjoyed the adaptation of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ “Barsoom” stories.
The movie is framed with scenes of a young Burroughs, played by Spy Kids‘ Daryl Sabara, being summoned to the estate of his late uncle, a world traveler and former Confederate cavalryman. Taylor Kitsch, from Friday Night Lights and X-Men Origins: Wolverine, is the eponymous Capt. Carter, who finds himself mysteriously transported from late 1860s Arizona to an inhabited Mars.
On the desert world, Carter encounters tribes of Tharks, four-armed green men, led by the honorable Tars Tharkas (voice and motion capture of Willem Defoe). Despite his initial reluctance to become involved in another civil war, Carter is soon entangled in the conflict between the city-states of Zodanga and Helium, both of which are populated by humanlike “red” Martians.
After meeting the beautiful scientist and princess Deja Thoris (played by X-Men Origins‘ Lynn Collins), Carter decides to fight Sab Than (Dominic West), the Jeddak (chieftan) of Zodanga, and Thern mystic Matai Shang (Mark Strong). He’s aided by Sola (Samantha Morton), the compassionate daughter of Tars Tharkas, and doglike calot Woola.
If this plot seems familiar, it’s because Burroughs created the template for the “planetaryromance,” which led to a century of space operas from Flash Gordon,Buck Rogers, and even Superman to Dune, Star Trek, and Star Wars to Stargate, Farscape, and Avatar. The lost but brave Earth man, the spunky princess and sidekicks, the honorable alien warriors, and the mystic duels have become clichés, but John Carter shows us the vitality of their source.
The actors seem to be enjoying themselves with the interplanetary swashbuckling. The script by Michael Chabon takes itself seriously, but not too seriously, with humor similar to that found in the original Star Wars or another pulp revival, The Mummy. I’m currently reading Chabon’s Pulitzer Prize-winning The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay for former co-worker Ken G.‘s “Escapists” book club.
Even in this age of computer-enhanced visuals, the Tharks’ facial expressions, the fleet-footed Woola and fierce white apes, the crawling city of Zodanga, and the steampunk airships were all impressively designed and rendered. The aliens interacted smoothly with the human actors. Despite the daunting amount of exposition required for such a movie, I thought that director Andrew Stanton, who also directed Pixar’s Wall-E, did a decent job of pacing.
The grand vistas include the rough-and-tumble frontier of the American west, the windswept deserts of Mars, the rain-soaked streets of New York, and soaring structures and ancient ruins of Barsoom. The soundtrack also evokes a lost age of adventure, although it’s not as memorable as the works of John Williams.
I’d give John Carter, which is rated PG-13 for violence, an 8.5 out of 10, four out of five stars, or an A-. Many critics have gleefully pointed out that Disney’s adaptation is somehow subject to the “curse of the Mars movies” and gotten less-than-stellar box office. However, I and other fans feel that many of their criticisms are unfair and typical of mainstream prejudice against genre entertainment.